For more than 10 years, I was entrenched in mysticism and self-discovery.
I practiced witchcraft and performed spells. I became an oracle-card reader and enrolled in classes to sharpen my psychic abilities. I was a certified Reiki master and yoga teacher. I used crystals as a means of healing, protecting, and manifesting. I believed in astrology, manifesting under a new moon and cleansing and recharging my energy under the full moon. I worshiped nature and worked with goddesses. I found my spirit guides and let them lead the course of my life. I’d talk to “Spirit/Source/Universe” and believed I was speaking to my “higher self.” I believed I created my own reality and I was my own god, in control of my life. I thought I finally knew my purpose—to heal the collective, raise the vibration of the planet, and help others heal and do the same.
But behind it all, I grappled with darkness, deception, and a yearning for more.
Still, I became trapped in a cycle of healing and “upleveling,” constantly seeking the next healing session in various forms. Though each experience brought fleeting relief, when the feelings faded I still wasn’t satisfied. I believed my next crisis was just leveling me up and raising my vibration and cracking some secret code to the harmony of the collective planet.
While believing all this, I was suffering and in a deep pit of depression. I longed to feel loved, heard, and understood. My soul lacked a sense of belonging. My body was in a constant state of fight or flight. Many days, I wished I wasn’t alive. I was being tormented, experiencing regular sleep paralysis. I thought I could burn a little sage, say a chant, and put crystals in every corner of my room to stop it.
Sincere and Sincerely Wrong
I was wrong about all of it. What I was actually doing was laying down a welcome mat for darkness and deception—and all that comes with it. The very practices I believed protected me and connected me to something divine were only pushing me further into darkness, further away from God.
I was laying down a welcome mat for darkness and deception—and all that comes with it.
I was oddly allergic to the G-word (God) during my time in the New Age. I almost unfriended a New Age colleague who’d recently come to Christ because she couldn’t stop talking about him. I was irritated by it. Angry. Repelled. I thought, What happened to her? Has she gone mad? I couldn’t wrap my head around her drastic transformation to Christianity.
I remember a vital moment in my resistance when I reluctantly watched a movie about Jesus to appease my then-boyfriend. My exact words: “Fine, I’ll watch it once if you stop asking me.”
That’s when I first experienced God’s grace, when he met me in my stubbornness. He met me in my sin and depression. I watched the movie about Jesus and sobbed hysterically. I was overcome by an intense feeling of love that poured over my entire being. Growing up in a broken home and being trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships as an adult, I’d never really felt love before. I knew this was the kind of love I was desperately seeking in all the wrong ways. That’s when I knew God was after my heart.
I tried to deny and ignore that experience, but I also wanted to feel that love again. So I chased after Jesus. I started reading the Bible. I’d never done that before, and God’s character was revealed to me. I prayed—a lot. I was resistant to attending church, but eventually, I bounced around to a few until I found a biblically sound church I loved. This is how I started a relationship with God.
I’d never known what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus. Now that I do, I’ll never let it go. Through him, the chains of my depression have been broken. I never experienced another sleep paralysis episode again. I’m not claiming that Christ solves all our problems—far from it—but I have a profound joy in the Lord that eclipses any fleeting happiness my previous New Age life offered. I’ve been freed by his Word, I’ve experienced the power of the Spirit and the love of the Father, and now I’m changed forever.
I’d never known what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus. Now that I do, I’ll never let it go.
New Agers often think there are multiple ways to God. You just have to find “your truth,” or perhaps you can access “Christ consciousness.” None of this is true. The truth is that there aren’t multiple ways to God—there’s one. His name is Jesus. He is the way, the truth, and the life; no one gets to the Father except through him (John 14:6).
Perhaps you think the same thing about me that I thought about my New Age colleague: She’s gone totally mad. I’m OK with that. I can finally say I know Jesus personally and nothing compares to the peace, hope, and love that comes from being in a right relationship with him. Friend, traveling down the New Age path only leads to deception. Pray for discernment in all you come across. Compare everything to Scripture.
There are only two spiritual powers in this world: God and Satan. Don’t let the Enemy trick you with his original lie in the garden of Eden—that you can be like God. No practice under the sun will make that statement true. There’s only one true God, and all glory goes to him.
My prayer is that this brief testimony plants a seed in your heart. If you feel convicted by my words, be open to the possibility that God is chasing after you too.